


Dining with Fortune

by BookishTea



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: Awkward Dates, Friendship/Love, Homoromantic, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Rabbits, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Season/Series 04, The Master cares in his own way, before new york
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 03:13:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8694151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookishTea/pseuds/BookishTea
Summary: "The master convinces Orpheus to ask Rusty out on a date." From the carcass of VB Kink Meme.





	1. Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> I just wanted to apologize in advance for the following lack of quality for this fic. It's my first time writing in this fandom, and I think it shows. So please try your best to ignore that. Thanks.

_The Master,_ an omniscient being unlike any other. Across the vast expansion of his dominion followers flocked, a plethora of thinkers from a variety of worlds that craved one joint thing. Infinite knowledge over the arcane arts. But as time has moved on, few have earned his trust as much as Doctor Bryon Orpheus. After devoting the entirety of his life to his master's wishes, Orpheus achieved the status of being his most favoured student. With this privilege, he found himself able to seek an audience virtually anytime, a fact he took very seriously. 

 Which is why he currently stood within Necropolis, plumes of thick fog swirling around his feet as he elegantly bowed.

“Master I’ve arrived.”

“I can see that Orpheus” came the familiar sneer from his teacher. Lifting his head, Orpheus blinked at the sight of a large white rabbit reclining on the throne before him. Dressed in swaths of heavy red fabric, the Master’s painted face frowned, left ear twitching, _“What?"_

Orpheus quickly straightened himself, “I didn’t mean to insult you Master, I was merely shocked at your appearance. You usually don’t take the form of Chinese deities, much less Tu’er Ye.”

“Don’t be such a know-it-all Orpheus, there’s several forms I take when you’re not around. Who’s to say rabbit gods aren’t one of them?”

“Of course, please accept my deepest apologies…” he mumbled, leaning his torso forward.

“Oh for…” Sighing loudly, the Master pinched his cute little button nose with an equally adorable paw. “Will you just quit with the bowing for one second? All your ass kissing is really getting on my nerves.”

“I wasn’t--”

It was rather hard to be intimidating with a cotton ball for a tail, but somehow the Master managed it. “What do you _want_ Orpheus?”

There was a second of silence, during the time in which Orpheus promptly closed his mouth before saying what had been troubling him.

“Mr. Venture.”

“Ah Thaddeus S., blood descendant of Colonel Lloyd Venture. Or as he’s better known as, the loser that orders you around like a bitch.”

“Mr. Venture is my landlord and dear friend, he doesn’t ‘order me around’.”

“Right, and I’m not omniscient.” Rolling his large eyes, he took a lengthy sip from the cocktail that blinked into existence in his right paw. Savouring the accents of bourbon, crisp citrus, ginger, and of course carrot, he softly sighed as he swirled the beverage around with a crazy straw.

“Anyway,” Orpheus continued with a frown, trying his hardest to ignore that the straw was in the shape of two intertwined Mars symbols; both arrows pointing in opposite directions. “I’m in need of your advice, I can’t seem to bridge the gap in our friendship. While I remain resolute in EVERYTHING MYSTICAL, Mr. Venture is a devote follower of SCIENCE. It’s maddening, there always seems to be conflict between us!”

“Well what do you want from me, Orpheus? Do you want me to tell you to suck him off?” His apprentice glared “...I’m pretty such you already got that covered…” he mumbled off to the side.

“Master”

“Ugh fine! I swear, there’s nothing but nagging with you... Orpheus… to grasp what you seek, you must pray upon the altar of Edesia and Bibesia. Only then will you share peace you so desperately crave.”

“Edesia and Bibesia…?”

“That’s what I just said. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have an appointment.” With a flick of his paw, a gust of wind blew towards his apprentice in a powerful wave. The air was chilled with the sharp scent of mint, enough that it caused Orpheus’ eyes to unwillingly screw shut. He raised his arms, failing to shield his face from the icy bite.

He was startled to find the sensation had suddenly disappeared; he opened his eyes. Still watering, he found himself weakly blinking within a familiar room. His library. Usually he was standing within his daughter’s bedroom after his audience; confused, he anxiously looked around for any subtle or drastic changes. You could never tell what lengths his master would go to on a whim.

What was he missing? It was here, that much was clear. Getting a whiff of a faint fragrance, he traced it to a bookshelf in the corner of the room, a section dedicated to ancient myths. His slender fingers brushing against the spines of the leather-bound tomes, fingering them thoughtfully until his eyes landed on a book nestled on one of the top shelves, one he'd never seen before. Noticing his stare, it dutifully slipped out of its position and drifted down to his nervous hands. To describe its beauty was near impossible, that it was the pale colour of early winter mornings and bottled regrets. While the texture was a mix of sleek marble and the feathery touch of tall grass on a hot summertime day.

Squinting, he translated the text’s title with a dry mouth, “Essence of the soul.”

Orpheus inhaled deeply, letting the refreshing perfume that wafted from the tome clear his mind. At the sound of its name, the book bared itself, glad to share its wisdom as it landed on a bookmarked page.

“Ah, Edesia and Bibesia… The Roman goddesses of food and drink.” Realization struck Orpheus “It’s so simple now” He let the book fly from his hand and settle itself back into its rightful place. Elated at this discovery, he was surrounded in an aura of swirling lights. Holding on to the image in his head, he let it guide him as he disappeared in half the span of a heartbeat.

* * *

 

Rusty was bent over a counter in his lab, thick gloved hands trying not to shake as he delicately poured a bright indigo liquid into a metallic mixture. He held onto his breath, sweat collecting on his brow as he carefully counted every drop going into the slender test tube. One wrong move, no matter how tiny, and this whole compound was going to be a massive crater. Okay, maybe not the whole compound, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to survive.

Rusty might not be living like his obnoxious thief of a little brother, but that didn’t mean he wanted to die - thank you very much.

“Mr Venture!”

“Jesus C-” He jolted, beaker slipping from his hand. Thunder hammering in his ears, he clumsily caught it at the last second. All the oxygen in his lungs escaped in a massive sigh of relief. Thank God....

**Rusty 1 Death 0**

He wasn’t however, going to be thanking his tenant anytime soon, not when he just popped into the middle of his experiment out of nowhere and almost caused a surely painful death. Wordlessly he set the beaker gently onto the counter before he spun around in his chair, grinding his teeth.

The sheer amount of animosity directed at Orpheus shocked him, to the point where he inadvertently took a step back. He had already planned what he wanted to say, but after witnessing that hateful glare words left him.

“What the hell is going on?”

“I…” Orpheus cleared his throat “I didn’t mean to disturb you, Mr. Venture, but I have a proposition.”

“I don’t care if you have Daryl Hannah in the hallway, I want you out of my lab. _Now._ ”

“Mr. Venture, please, I’ve come to bond with you!”

“...What are you talking about?...Are you..." Horror overcame anger, "...Are you coming onto me?!”

Orpheus frowned as he crossed the distance between them, “No! I merely wish to have the chance for our friendship to grow!” He sheepishly coughed into his sleeve, “Over a meal at Tre Sorelle, I have reservations…”

“I knew it!” The chair clattered to the floor as Rusty suddenly stood up, “You’re a homosexual! I knew I shouldn’t have leased that part of the compound out. It’d only invite weirdos to come over and try to seduce me!”

“Seduce you?! I beg your pardon… I wanted no such thing!”

“Don’t try to act all innocent, Orpheus” Rusty testily jabbed at the other man’s chest, “I could tell from the moment we met that you had the hots for me - and all of those side glances, I’m just a tempting trophy for you, aren’t I?”

Orpheus grabbed a hold of the hand poking him, letting it fall with a stoic expression. “ _Right_ , and that moment at the motel was clearly a heterosexual experience. You don't have to say anything else, I've lost my appetite..."

With a sweep of his robes, Orpheus stalked out of the room, letting the steel doors slam behind him. 

Alone in a large and abruptly dead silent lab, Rusty stared after the necromancer. It was another moment until he wandered back to his chair, picking it off of the floor, and sitting down on it with a sigh. In a bizarre turn of events, he couldn't help but feel lonely as he stared at his science experiment. Orpheus' words ringing in his ears, Rusty cradled his head between his hands. Like all of the other times in his life, he was alone with nothing but his regret. He's such a fucking idiot...


	2. Rabbit

If Thaddeus S. Venture was known for one thing, besides the looming shadow of his father, it was his hopelessness at romantic relationships. Hell, he was shitty at any relationships. The fact that he had managed to cultivate a small collective of friends that didn’t want him to die was gobsmacking. And he might have just lost one of those precious individuals with his stupidity, because the concept that someone held honest interest in him was too God damn terrifying.

Rusty shivered, absently rubbing the goosebumps from his arms.

“Doc’?” He looked up, startled by Brock frowning at him from across the table. "Everything okay?"

"Yes Brock, I'm fine. Perfect even!" His fingers tightened around the spoon in his hand, "Nothing is absolutely wrong!"

Brock simply stared at him, a broad brow raising in concern.

Rusty sucked in his breath, feeling the tips of his ears warm with embarrassment as he took in the rest of the breakfast table. A fork dangled out of Hank's mouth, chin dripping with syrup. His expression caught between a daze of sleep and confusion. Dean on the other hand was dissecting him with his eyes, like he had something on his mind, but wasn't sure how to phrase it. And in slow-motion he began to set his book down, a collection of poems titled _Songs of Innocence and of Experience_ , of course it had been a gift from Orpheus. 

That unknown question had drawn Rusty tight with fear, the possibility of not being able to answer it. And that's when he decided to leave, before it made things worse... _He_ made things worse.

His chair scraped loudly against the floor, "I-I have to go" he mumbled to everyone, avoiding their eyes. "I-I'm very busy today!" He didn't bother with putting his bowl in the sink, just dropping his spoon with a clatter. While hastily leaving the room he paused halfway, and after thinking better of it, grabbing his coffee mug from the table.

The trio silently watched as he scurried out of the room. Finally gone, Brock let out a loud sigh before he too stood up, cleaning up the mess left behind.

"What's wrong with him, Brock?" Hank's nose scrunched up in thought, "You don't think he's infected with something?"

Back facing the two boys, the bodyguard rolled his eyes, "Infected with what, Hank?"

"Gee I don't know, maybe some tropical zombie worm? Or a...or an alien invader?!" He turned to his brother, hoping he'd back one of his theories.

"I'm not sure it's one of those." Dean pressed a finger against his mouth, "Probably some supernatural affliction, like a possession or Bigfoot rash."

"Bigfoot rash?"

"It could be yellow fever."

"Boys," Brock scrubbed at the bowl with a sponge, "your father doesn't have yellow fever... at least not anymore."

"Then what's wrong with him?" Brock shrugged in response.

"Well, like William Blake says: as a man is, so he sees. As the eye is formed, such are its powers."

Brock set the bowl to dry, letting annoyance seep into his voice as he said, "Dean, what does that even mean?" 

"I have no idea, I just thought it sounded cool..."

* * *

 

Shoes clacking loudly as he hurriedly walked down the hallway, he exited the compound as soon as possible, needing air that wasn't stale. The sunlight blinded him for a moment, honing on his pale skin with a vengeance unparalleled. Even the Monarch would be jealous.

Kicking himself for not bringing any sunscreen, he paced outside. 

"Think Thaddeus think." He paused to take a sip of his coffee, then continued to pace. "You come from a long line of super geniuses, you can come up with a way to apologize!" But really he couldn't, he was awful with dealing with his own problems. Let alone ones involving others. Stopping so he faced a tree, he pretended it was his caped tenant.

"Orpheus about earlier, I'm sorry about what I said... but can you blame me? You shouldn't have, uh, I mean do we really need to.. to... - shit." He tightly closed his eyes, counting to ten before he stared at the tree. How was he going to do this? What would his father do?

Rusty snorted in annoyance, "He'd probably rush in without thinking, and make some stupid but amazing speech." He sighed, moments like these he wished he could talk to someone. A person he could trust with all his insecurities without feeling judged. Before he could stop it, the memory of Dr. Orpheus in his mind rose up, the way he saw and dealt with some of Rusty's worst flaws.

He wet his lips, contemplating if he was really going to go through with this. With one last glance to the tree, he decided yes he was.

 

Twenty minutes later he stood in front of the necromancer's door, sweating as he held a bouquet of flowers behind his back. Maybe he could deal with this tomorrow...

 _Beep beep!_ Also H.E.L.P.eR. was here for moral support.

"You're not helping!"

 _Beep beep beeep!_ Maybe they were right. Sighing aloud, Rusty pushed all doubt from his mind and rapped his knuckle on the wood. He took a step back, partially wishing to just run away like the coward he was. Pretend that he was never here. Before he could fall back on this plan, the door swung open.

Gulping he made eye contact with Orpheus, who despite being dressed in his houserobe looked... _good_. At the sight of the super scientist, he rose a brow quizzically, expression far from pleased.

"And how may I help you this morning, Mr. Venture?"

"I...uh.." Mind filled with a string of thoughts along the lines of: **ABORT ABORT!!** Rusty took a steadying breath before saying, "I've come to apologize." The other man wordlessly stared at him, to the point where Rusty became worried that they'd never bridge this distance between them. 

Orpheus stepped to the side, gesturing for his unexpected guest to come inside. He smiled at the robot in the hallway after Rusty went in, offering a smile. Pleased when H.E.L.P.eR. gave an understanding chirp and rolled away, at least they understood being polite. After one last look into the corridor, he closed the door.

Rusty walked into the living room, starting off by saying, "Look I'm..." He paused, waiting for Orpheus to approach him before he tried again, "Just... Here." He shoved the flowers into the necromancer's unsuspecting hands.

"I'm surprised Mr. Venture, but aren't these..." He studied them closer - tulips, "from Brock's garden?" Rusty rubbed the back of his head, avoiding Orpheus' gaze.

"O-of course not, I bought these for you." 

Skeptical his tenant nodded, using his magic to lift the bouquet from his hands and drift them towards an empty vase. "Although they're very beautiful, they aren't something I'd choose." Rusty bristled with that comment.

"Hey! Those are supposed to be a token of goodwill, you don't have to shit all over them!"

"Oh no you mistake me, Mr. Venture. I merely meant that they aren't appropriate if you consider the language of the flowers."

"Language of.. _Are you kidding me?"_

"Not at all!" He gestured for his guest to take a seat on the sofa, "Everything has meaning and power behind it. If you came to apologize for before, I'd suggest something like a yellow rose or even a yew, they symbolize forgiveness and sorrow. But that _is_ why you came? To apologize?"

"I..." Rusty swallowed heavily, "yes." Orpheus nodded, settling in his seat as he waited for the other man to continue. "I'm sorry about what I said, for acting like a major asshole. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. And..." He looked away, focusing on an interesting statue in the background. "Can you please forgive me?"

Orpheus steepled his fingers together, crossing one long leg over another. "You recognize how you hurt me?" Rusty nodded. "Very well, I shall accept your word that you'll be more mindful in the future." He uncrossed his legs and jumped to his feet, clenching a held out fist as he said "Now! Let us bond over PASTA and KINSHIP! Something that not even the darkest pits of hell will attempt to-"

"I, uh, I thought you didn't have a reservation anymore?"

He lowered his arm, frowning. "I have some noodles and tomato sauce in the cupboard, will you be fine helping me cook?" Rusty slowly nodded, unsure if he should mention what an awful cook he was.

"Perfect!" Orpheus returned to his former pose, "We will bond over a HOME COOKED MEAL and KINSHIP!" 


End file.
